emerald_sun

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj I.

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 16:37:11 GMT

1week of art works

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:31:49 GMT

Women In Art

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:28:59 GMT

Crazy Indian Music Video

Thu, 03 May 2007 04:17:51 GMT

This gave me such a good laugh..... He is the Indian George Micheal.

A Cricket in the Court of Akbar - Trailer

Thu, 03 May 2007 04:00:42 GMT

I want this shirt... Too Funny...

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 06:56:00 GMT

WORLDSPIRIT - Alex Grey, Kenji Williams

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 18:16:10 GMT

This is beautiful... Thanks for sharing...

Hot, Sweaty, Tokyo Underground

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 18:01:35 GMT

I would love to be here...

In need of a good healthy venting...

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 05:21:52 GMT

I am not sure where to start exactly, but this has been long overdue. My roommates have turned into the roommates from hell. It began with a long series of post-it note communication, as no one seems to be capable of talking to each other, (which is at the heart of the problem). I have been told that the coffee maker is aging faster than it should, that if the door is ever unlocked they will hold me accountable for anything missing, and there was a list of things to be abided by on the fridge that went as far as the wattage of light bulbs. I never thought that someone I regarded as my best friend could turn into such a bitch.

Recently, after christmas vacation with the family I began the long drive back to the city. I was out of town until the 7th of January and was planning on paying rent as soon as I got back, as it has to be paid by the 10th. Well I get home to them sitting in the living room and on my bedroom door I see the notice for the late fee, which I was fully aware of, and a change of roommate form which they had both signed. There is also a message on my phone which said "You owe me this much in rent and we need to discuss you moving out!" I don't owe her any rent, I owe Stevens Community rent. I took a moment to cool down, as I was so mad I was physically shaking, then walked out of my room. I threw the form on the counter and told them that they were pricks, and I was then told that I was irresponsible and that I would have caused us to be evicted. I told her to shut up, as it was all completely asinine. As if I would just not pay my rent. They want to find anything to have me gone, because they just want to have the apartment to themselves.

Well, the next day my internet isn't working, so I go ask her about it. She says that it will be working as soon as I pay her. Granted it is in her name and she did not inform me that the bill was in, she just unplugged it. Is it so hard to say, "Hey Allison, I need this much for the internet...?" I don't think so, but it must be.

The following day, I took a nap as I hadn't slept much the night before. I woke up to the word "cunt" in the living room. I hadn't heard this guy ever say anything while I've been in the room, he has her say what on his mind, which is all kinds of creepy. So I decide to just listen out of curiosity. He proceeds to say that they "should move the black shelf, because the retard might break it when she has her friends over". (I have never broken anything in the apartment. I don't believe I am a retard either, as that is rather difficult with a 33 ACT score.) As I continue listening, he starts talking about the sugar. It was something about me not filling it and that I am a "dirty cunt". If you have to go so far as to bitch about sugar there probably isn't much to bitch about. I believe this comes from an overwhelming desire to bitch. If sugar is the problem, you could just say "Allison can you pick up some sugar?" This is a 28 year old man(boy); who does this. Anyway, he goes on about the cocktail sauce, which I never touched, and start singing "cunt is so dirty". All she can say is "she just isn't helping". I do not deserve these kinds of insults and I do not take it lightly.

The next day I put sugar and cocktail sauce on the counter, with a note that said "The Dirty Cunt", so they knew that I heard everything. All I got in return was another note that said, "Thank You, The Fucking Pricks". I am so tired of this, but now I am finally to a point where all emotion is gone. For awhile I was greatly saddened by the fact that I was loosing a very close friend. She basically just wrote me off for her new man. Its just proof that she was never a true friend. True friends can at least talk to each other, but she no longer deserves an ounce of my time or energy. I recently gave her back the presents she gave me and told her that I just couldn't accept them any more. I pride myself in being someone that is easy to get along with and this is cramping my style. I like the place I live in to be a very chill and zen environment and I thought that was how she operated as well. I couldn't have been more wrong.

This is a very sad thing to have to deal with on a daily basis and it has been a true test. However, I will only be here for another few months, then we can move ahead with never speaking again. They will be married in May, and I guess that is what makes her happy. Until, the moment I move out I will simply remain on moral high ground and not let them effect me.

From here on out I am going to put together a series of photos which will highlight the various post-it note messages. By using this as fuel for my creativity, I may find a good way to deal with everything. I also think it will be interesting to see all of them together, although I should have begun this in the beginning. There are no more responses to this stupidity, just documentation.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 19:53:07 GMT

Blue vision of depth lost in height

Sea and Sky Interblending through Luminous Haze

Day is of Spring

The Hour Morining

One Azure Enormity

Ripples Catch a Silver Light

Dim Warm Blue Water

Distance Soaring into Space

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 01:44:26 GMT

And I go
Where the trees go
And I walk
From a higher education
For now
And for hire

It beats me, but I do not know

Never get so attached to a poem
You forget truth
It lacks lyricism
And never draw so close to heat that
You forget that you must eat...

It beats me, but I do not know

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 16:19:25 GMT

*bleep*
\
\
\
thats me swearing

We are together in our loneliness...

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 01:54:52 GMT

I'm in a sour mood as I walk with this cup of coffee that sometimes splashes. The burn is always a good reminder that I am not dreaming. A man passes, equipped with demeaning comments and wandering eyes. I need to find a barrier to keep the demons out. By demons I mean, those thoughts which can send you spiraling into the realm of pessimism. It is always a daily battle, which I can usually win. However, I am infuriated when another human being feels he has the right to inflict me with his insults. "Hey Baby" is never going to get you anywhere with me and you should expect to be ignored. However it really ruins the mood of a day when a complete stranger on the street has to ask me "What are you doing tonight?", "Hey you could at least say hi", "Its not like I am a bad guy", then proceeds to follow me. I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO HIT SOMEONE MORE IN MY LIFE! I would love to have a barrier. One of the main reasons I like to go places with my guy friends. The bastards leave me alone.

And what does it mean to have a companion, without the company? Sounds like a contradiction to me. Why can't I just go through life without this desire to fill a void? When the void is both occupied and vacant you begin to have problems. It just depends on the day,... or maybe I just find comfort in the idea of company, but don't we all.

As I continue walking, another impolite admirer, maybe two. I get angry at first, then sympathetic. They probably feel just as I do, without the hesitation.

Togetherness is fleeting.

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 00:35:15 GMT

I got a bloody nose
I woke up on the floor
My nose still hurts
I think I punched it...

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 22:16:02 GMT

-Susan Seddon Boulet

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 22:09:03 GMT

I am the sky itself as it is drawn together and unified, and as it begins to exist for itself; my conciousness is saturated with this limitless blue...

NEC

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 18:36:09 GMT

Joe's Orchestration class at the New England Conservatory

The Scientist and the Artist

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 18:33:09 GMT

Bronze Sculptures outside the Boston Public Library

For the flower children.....

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 06:33:42 GMT

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 06:23:17 GMT

Excess Sorrow Laughs, Excess Joy Weeps....

-William Blake

All work and no play...

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 03:56:06 GMT

This has been, without a doubt, THE MOST busy week of my life. And now, at the beginning of the next, I find myself groping in the dark for an ounce of residual energy. It's the same old question... Why am I doing this? Why is money the most important factor? Why can't life just be creating for self expression? I realize more and more that I am not actually a designer, but a fine artist at heart.

Last week began as any other. I prepared myself for classes, with hopes of having a little bit of "me time". I was looking forward to being finished with my internship and the few freelance jobs that I had started in the summer. Ran into Pam on Monday during a lecture and we went to catch up over a cup of coffee. I knew there was work to be done, although, I couldn't get myself into gear.

Had class on Tuesday from 1:00 to 9:00. That evening I had something to eat, some more coffee, and began putting together the final presentation for the Airport. I knew going in that I would be pulling an all-nighter. I just forgot how horrible they are. By noon the next day I had spent 15 straight hours in front of a computer screen without a wink of sleep.

Before going to my meeting with Karen Ruskin, my most annoying client decides to call with some immediate requests. Which I obviously waited to do for a couple hours. After leaving the meeting around 1:00, I got a call from Toussaint, who is the lead singer of the band I am doing an album cover for. He was putting together some posters and needed some are in the next 48 hours.

I nearly broke down into tears due to the number of demands being placed upon me. I knew that this was mainly because of being tired and went home to try and catch up on sleep, missing my 1:00 class. I woke up around 6:00 and started finishing assignments for Thursday's classes. I fell asleep around 1:00.

I woke up at 6:00 and went to spyhouse for a cup of coffee and journeyed to the school to do the finishing touches on my presentation. I couldn't work at home because of a slight incident with my cat, a glass of water, and my keyboard. Which had to have happened while sleeping. I tried typing something and all I got was a series of beeps. I lifted it to check the connection and water poured out. I have since bought a new keyboard. Despite this I still managed to somehow finish everything.

That night I was going on 10 hours of sleep in 72 hours. I was leaving my product and pattern design class when the teacher pulled my aside. At first I though it would be a lecture as I had just told her that I would be missing next week to fly to Boston. I had already missed a class and was sure that I had some sort of hell coming my direction.

Instead, she offered me a full-time position designing for Target. It barely registered. She basically said that my work was really strong and I would be a great addition to the design team. I would be taking on the title of design assistant at Target Headquarters. I was flattered. I went home a got a good nights rest.

Friday was the presentation at the Airport and I really struggled to seem as lively as possible. I had lunch with my internship supervisor and we talked about the project and other random topics. When I was back at home, I tried to take a nap but I couldn't fall asleep. I took out the bike and went to lake Calhoun and back. It really helped with clearing my head.

Saturday I worked on the Album Cover and the guys came over Sunday morning to make final changes to track titles, production notes, and thank yous. I now feel completely drained.

And again, it is the same old question. Why do I do this? What is the point? I have so much to say that is not being said. I do things for everyone else in the name of money. And on the brink of working for the corporate giants, I really have to ask myself what is important in life. Is it how much money I make a year, or is it the moments of inspiration that made me start down this path in the first place. You have to pay the bills, but I can't help wondering if there is another way.

However I have this tendency to fill every waking moment (and moments where I shouldn't be waking), with some sort of project. I almost wonder if it is a defense mechanism. I way to ignore feelings of loneliness. Lately there hasn't been anyone to whom I can share my feelings with, so extra work helps me forget about it. My boyfriend of the past year is in Boston for Grad School and I got used to the company. My best friend is in a new relationship and I feel less needed. I rarely talk to my parents, and when I do we barely understand each other. My father just went through cancer surgery and the last time I saw him he wasn't looking to hot. I never really hear from my sister and we understand each other even less. I feel that there is a void to be filled.

No void will ever be filled by another person. I am more than happy with who I am, any betterment will only come from within. I fact I am quite proud of everything I have done thus far. I just feel a longing for there to be someone who understands me. Someone to confide in. Since I always come back to this feeling of isolation, I look to ways that can express this. If I create for money I no longer deal with these emotions and begin to feel the void. I need to rethink what is important to me.

I am a Fine Artist... It just took awhile for me to realize it.

Rhubarb - I love this track. It forces a meditative state upon you. Thanks Richard.

Tales of Woe....

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 00:24:51 GMT

I find my self become more and more pissed off by the negative vibes from the other side of my apartment. I never thought a friendship could change so quickly because of a new relationship. Its immature, weak, and has shown me that I was never truly valued as a friend. I hate people who are fake, but this one caught me off guard.

I totally understand that when people are in a new relationship, they tend to spend most of their time with the person they are infatuated with. But it crosses the line when your entire social group become that one person. Lets just forget all other friends why don't we. What if it doesn't work out? Who will be there for you? It is frustrating, but what can you do...

The only thing that truly pisses me off is the fact that all communication happens in stupid little post-it notes. It was extremely retarded when the smiley face of magnets appeared on the fridge when I did the dishes and then turned into a frowning face for no apparent reason. HOW OLD ARE YOU! I felt compelled to arrange it in the shape of a dick, ... which I did...

I regarded this girl to be one of my best friends, but why should I when I receive no respect. The boyfriend can't even say hello. I just feel like punching him and telling him to get the hell out. Wouldn't solve anything. He would still be a douche.

So I just grit my teeth.....

Hair Cut

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 20:10:38 GMT

Pretty Pretty Pictures

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 16:39:09 GMT

Neon Yellow

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 16:30:27 GMT

I experienced one of the most intense moments of deja vu on Wednesday. This is a common occurrence with me, but this truly felt like it had already happened. I was listening as this girl, I forget her name, was sharing her artwork with a group of us. Her piece was a dress that could also serve as a tent. I thought the idea was a rather good one. I have always liked it when the duality of an object is explored. She was holding the fabric to display its second use, when the color transported me. At that moment I sunk into the electric field of color. Not only did it feel like this moment has always existed, it began to drudge up all of the memories that have become permanently burned into my brain. At that moment I resided in all moments. This was not a profound piece of art that triggered this, which I consider to be rather ironic. It seems that when you become uninterested in your particular surroundings life has a way of showing you its magic. So this piece of art has now been added to my bank of memories to be called up in a similar event. Its just more proof that time is only perceived in the act of remembering.